Off-form today

Yeah. I was off-form today during climbing. The feeling was just not there. None of the confident foothold and foot-steps. Arms were like so heavy. I tried to lead a simple route. Half way through, I just felt that today was not the day. I was a wreck. My legs were shaking like jelly. I was a nervous reck. So I gave up. I told my partner to let me down. Rather do that then to force my way up. You see, in sports, if you just don't feel right, the game ain't gonna be any better. Anyhow, I still manage to climb just that I was not able to lead. I felt tired and beaten. I cannot continue. Every move that I made was just not right. I was pushing myself too hard. It's ok to push yourself hard but when you feel things aren't right, don't push. It won't get any better. You won't feel any better. There's nothing to achieve in this case.

I guess everybody has an off-day where everything that you do just doesn't seem right. Yesterday, Curious Kitty was telling that I am having a career crisis or rather she is also having one too. Find other opportunities to realize your potential or accept the fact that I am down in the dumps. So here I am now. I admit I am having a career crisis. I do not enjoy what I do anymore. I try to contribute whatever I can at the moment. That will not be good in the long run. I will end up grumpy, disoriented and demotivated. I lose my temper too easily nowadays.

What can one do? Create your own path. If you hit a boulder in your path, go over it. Well, actually, if you are an explosive expert, blast it to oblivion but I don't think that'll do any good. Like someone said, trying to kill an ant with a bazooka. The other thing is expectation. OK. I got the expectation part right. I do not expect things to go smoothly. It's gonna be difficult trying to carve something out for your career. I will do what I have to do. I know this is part of a long journey in my career. After completing my MBA part-time, a new journey begins. This is the journey. It sux actually. A battle was lost, the war is not lost yet.

Do things which are out of your comfort zone if you want to improve or if you seek satisfaction for yourselves. Next, I have to plan. After planning what I want to do and how I am going to do it, I have to measure this with reality. Does everything sum up? Hey you know it's not a "Wonderland" out there. Just because you plan, that doesn't mean things will fall in place. Murphy's law says, everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Hope I got that right. This is the other thing in my journey that I am having trouble with. Creating a concrete plan.

It's gonna be a long hard journey from now on. Since I am leaving for that "wonderful" place called Ka-la-chi. I am not looking forward to that work assignment but things need to be done and I have my responsibilities.

And yeah, I have to do lead climbing and climb more difficult routes. If I were to accoplish that, that would be an achievement for me personally.

I do not expect anything to come on a silver platter. Though that would be nice if it happens once in awhile. We all could use some nice things to happen to us.

Ya baby!